I have lived in several different houses in my lifetime. My
world of stability of houses came crashing down when I was 15 and my parents
got a divorce.
Since I turned 15 I have lived in 18 different houses. I
have always been used to moving, never being in one spot for very long.
Rodney and I have been on a long journey in the last 10
years of being married. We have moved several times, across state and then
eventually across several states. I have learned to thrive on the “new
adventure” mentality. Sometimes Rodney would be worried because I was so chill
about packing up the house and heading out. He never understood why I was such
a good sport about it but he saw it as a great blessing that I was willing to
go wherever he led us.
"...depressed and feeling out of place."
Eight months ago we made yet another move. The entire time
we were moving Rodney kept telling me that this is going to be our last move
for a long time. Part of me didn’t believe him because it is not our normal.
Part of me wanted to believe him because I wanted a home. Part of me feared
staying in one place for too long. What if I get bored with this house? I
wonder what our next house will be like. What if I get attached to this house
and something happens and we have to move?
Ever since August I have been struggling with being
depressed and feeling out of place. I couldn’t pin point the reason or cause
for it. What did I have to complain about? I have a new, nice house with plenty
of room for our family. I have a brand new car that Rodney bought me for my
birthday. I have a cute puppy, and was planning on getting another one. I have
healthy and happy kids. So what was the reason for the long face?
I would cry and mope around several times a day. I didn’t feel like this place was my home at
all. I was unhappy living here.
"scared of being in one
place for too long"
We have lived in some places for less than a year and I was
at home the moment we stepped into the door. Even when some of those “houses”
were 500 square feet!
After talking to Rodney for several months trying to figure
out what my “problem” was, we both finally came to the conclusion that I was
scared of being in one place for too long. What if this is it? What if this is
where we will have the kids’ graduation open houses at? What if this is the
house that River brings home his first girlfriend to meet us? Would I be satisfied? Would I be content? A month ago that answer was no.
I couldn’t wrap my brain around the kids being teenagers in
this house. I refused to wrap my brain around it.
A few weeks ago, I had my breaking point. I decided to make
up my mind. This house is my home!!
One thing that I realized through this whole process was
that I haven’t had 2 Christmas’ in the same house since 1998! That made me
upset and furious! So guess what happened to me? I got into the Christmas
spirit and I got into it fast. I was on a mission to make this house my home. I
started filling the walls with artwork and pictures. And before long all the
Christmas décor was up on November 11th.
I hung up a wreath knowing that next year the wreath will go
in the same exact spot. I put up trees in the kids’ room knowing that I will be
begging them to still want them up once they are teenagers. I have a hook where
my Moravian star will hang every year.
"I am home!"
I am so thankful for the Lord breaking down the walls that
have been built up for the last 14 years!
We are no longer tumbleweeds, but have officially planted
our roots.
Yup, this house is my home and I am happy and content!
